Monday, October 31, 2011

Vampire Rules

I found this in my collection. I have no idea where it came from but it is amusing.

Things I Will Do If I Am Ever a Vampire
Rules for the Modern Vampire

I shall wear tweed, and cheerful bright clothing. Further, I shall only wear trenchcoats if it is raining or foggy.

I will not take my victims home. My neighbors are far too nosy.

I will be secure in my immortality. I do not have to share my story with any reporter or struggling writer.

I will not purchase an expensive foreign sports car or motorcycle. An economical, multi-terrain vehicle with 4 wheel drive will be just fine.

I will immediately become Agnostic, disarming any cross-wielding religious maniacs.

I shall not keep a coffin in the basement, that's the first place people look.

I shall immediately purchase a "Hooked on Phonics" tape, in order to lose any Romanian accent I may have.

My ghouls shall have good posture.

I will purchase a digital watch with an alarm. I will set this alarm for TWO hours before sunrise, giving ample time for traffic and other inconveniences.

If I feel truly alone, and need a companion to share all of eternity with, I shall purchase a dog. Preferably one that is not larger than I am.

If the neighborhood kids are snooping around my house, I will not change into a giant wolf and attempt to destroy them. Instead, I shall call the police and have them arrested for trespassing.

If I believe far too many people are becoming suspicious, I shall not attempt to kill them all. I will simply move, and leave no forwarding address.

There is no logical reason for someone to mistake another human being for a fifteen-foot bat, not even in hysteria. Therefore, I shall refrain from such transformations in public.

Artists are over-emotional and unstable. I shall not keep company with them whatsoever.

I will not attend gatherings of my own kind. If I'm a lethal killing machine, doomed for all eternity to destroy those around me, they probably are too.

I will not pick off friends, family or neighbors of the Hero one at a time. This annoys the Hero and drives him into action. They'll still be there when he is dead.

There are thousands of sick people who want to be vampires. Why pick someone who doesn't?

The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake. I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle and grenades. If the Hero has to cross open ground, there is no better way to reach out and touch someone than with a sniper rifle.

When biting women to make them slaves, I will bite them in out-of-the-way locations such as the inside of the thigh, the lower part of the breast, or another location not requiring painfully obvious alteration of clothing or ridiculous accessories to conceal.

I will equip my home with a marvelous device called a burglar alarm with an automatic dialer. It will be difficult for the Hero to kill me while under arrest for attempted breaking and entering.

My coffin will be concealed and will be a plain wooden box. The elaborate oak coffin with gold trim resting in the basement will be equipped with claymores designed to shred the body of anyone who opens it.

I will wear a watch and verify what time sunrise is every day.

The formal attire with cape will be reserved for special occasions. Jeans and a t-shirt will be fine for everyday wear as they are less noticeable.

I will wear white clothing, which does not set off my pallor as obviously as black.

If I can't avoid wearing black and acting weird all the time, I will go to bars that cater to that sort of clientele. It will make it more difficult for the Hero to pick me out of the crowd.

I will not engage in a battle of wits with the Hero. I plan on killing him anyway, so what's the point?

I will not dismiss a Hero as a mere mortal because he does not have my centuries of experience. Even inexperienced losers can get lucky.

There will be no windows, doors, elevator shafts, or air vents accessing my hidden lair that have any sort of access to the outside and down which sunlight can be directed using mirrors.

If there must be windows, they will be painted over and backed with steel plate so the Hero will face a rude surprise when he throws something through it at sunrise.

When I take the Hero's true love to make her my concubine and eternal slave, I will not show her off to goad the Hero into making an attack. That will goad the Hero into making an attack. She will be tucked away in a quiet room, watched over by my loyal servants until the Hero is dead.

I will not transform children. Their bodies will stay the same age forever while their minds grow older and they will become whiny and disobedient.

I will not use bug-eating morons as servants. Pretty females dressed in little French maid outfits are more visually appealing and can also distract the Hero.

While castles and mansions are traditional and have a certain flair, the two bedroom bungalow is less noticeable in suburbia.

My home will not have wooden furniture, the legs of which become sharp, pointed sticks at inopportune moments.

I will have one of my entranced subjects constantly observing the Hero and his party. I always want warning if they go to a lumber yard.

My home will have mirrors, but they will be located in places such as the bathroom where I am unlikely to be at the same time as the Hero or his friends.

I will not change into a bat, scuttle up walls, fly, or hypnotize people when there might be witnesses.

All my concubines will be fully aware that they are not to seduce, attack or even bother visitors staying in the castle unless they have express consent from me.

The blood in the refrigerator will be stored in a tomato juice container, and there will be ordinary food in there for camouflage.

I will get a voice coach and change my name. "Hi, I'm Bob," is less suspicious than "I am Dra—cu--la."

I will not associate with vampire theatres, vampire whorehouses and prostitution rings, vampire bars, or vampire biker gangs. They attract attention.

I will spend no more than 10 years in any one location, and when I move it will be somewhere distant. I will not return to a previous home for a minimum of 80 years. Anyone who previously knew me will be either dead or senile.

I will be able to explain porphyria and why that unfortunate genetic condition is the reason I cannot go out in the sun.

I will force myself to look concerned and not hungry when someone accidentally cuts himself.

A Kevlar vest with a ceramic trauma plate located over the heart is a rather trendy fashion accessory.

I will take seriously anyone who approaches me with a water pistol and a confident expression.

Backpacks and small bags capable of holding sharp pointed wooden sticks will be taken from visitors by a servant at the door. Anyone refusing to part with their accessories will be taken into a side room and shot in the knees, handcuffed, and chained to the wall, where they will provide lunch for my concubines.

Crossbows, spears, arrows, and other antique weapons with wooden or large blades will be banned from the castle. There is nothing wrong with a fine collection of rifles and handguns.

I will carry at least a .38 on my person and become proficient in its use. If the Van Helsing is holding me at bay with a religious symbol, or I am unable to use my vampiric powers for other reasons, I can always open fire.

I will be a strict atheist, so the Hero will be forced to use a copy of "The Skeptical Inquirer" or "Das Kapital," rather than a Bible, delaying him considerably.

Before dining out with anyone, I will verify that garlic is not a major spice at that restaurant.

I will not take blood from people who take cocaine, speed or other addictive drugs.

All servants, concubines and assorted slaves will be under strict orders not to show excessive devotion to me in public.

Servants, concubines and assorted slaves will have a zero-tolerance rule: one mistake and they're dead. I can always create more.

When recruiting new blood, so to speak, I will first enslave those who might notice odd behavior in my future concubines. Therefore, I take the teachers at the all-girls school first.

All future concubines will be screened and have complete background checks. Those with relatives named Van Helsing will be removed from consideration. The irony is not worth the risk.

Nothing says the Hero can't be a cripple or be suffering massive trauma from a shotgun blast before he becomes lunch.

I will not personally finish off the Hero. That is what loyal servants, concubines and assorted slaves are for. Besides, his true love is probably tastier.

All future concubines will be strip-searched for rosaries, crucifixes and garlic before I approach them.

All cute but spunky kids in the community who express an interest in the supernatural will be identified and observed for sudden changes in behavior.

I will be an upstanding but otherwise undistinguished resident of my community, and will make sure that I cultivate enough friends so I will be warned of anyone spreading malicious rumors about me.

Since it will be the last thing they would expect, I will hire a Mafia hit team to take out the Hero and his friends. Let's see the crucifix protect them from an Uzi. (And if it does, I will immediately leave town, having been spying on them from several blocks away via a convenient hard-to-trace method of my choice.)

All villagers will be encouraged to send their children to the schools I will secretly finance. After a few years of modern education they will dismiss the legends told by their grandparents, several of which will undoubtedly be ways to destroy me.

I will ignore all attempts to appeal to my former sense of humanity. I don't have any. That is why it is former.

I will remind myself that I am immortal, not indestructible.

All concubines will save the loose, transparent, flowing silk dresses for special occasions. I'm a modern sort of guy so I like a woman in leather and Kevlar, which provide more protection so she lasts longer in a fight.

Although firearms are useless against me and the concubines, they work quite effectively on the Hero and his friends. Therefore, all concubines will be armed and taught to shoot. They will use hand and fang in attack only as a last resort.

All bodies of former meals will be destroyed in a manner that will make bite marks and the absence of blood impossible to identify.

I will not send bodies or parts thereof of former friends, relatives, mentors or lovers to the Hero in order to demonstrate my complete mastery over life and death.

I will not demonstrate knowledge inappropriate for someone of my apparent age.

I will not begin a vendetta against someone who has destroyed a fellow vampire that I was fond of. They have clearly demonstrated they have the ability to destroy me.

More vampires mean a lower prey ratio: I will carefully consider if I really want more of us running around.

All the cutlery in my house will be either stainless steel or plastic - no silver. (Besides, I might accidentally cut myself.) Ideally, the steel will have a special surface that makes it look like silver, so the Hero will waste his time trying to stab me with it.

I will keep important bits of my home flooded with a non-flammable poisonous gas at all times. Not needing to breathe is a useful skill.

As cancer isn't a particularly large concern for me, I'll wear asbestos clothing.

I will make lots of long-term investments. With the great wealth I get from that, I shall endow a genetics program aimed at producing cows whose udders secrete human blood or a palatable imitation thereof. Then I can go to McDonald's for dinner instead of bothering the Hero's womenfolk.

While it may offend my dignity, whining incessantly will indicate that I am the protagonist, and will enable me to avoid the attentions of Heroes.

As cute as the Vampire Slayer is, there are other girls just as cute who are not capable of destroying me. I will not engage a "Vampire Slayer" in martial arts combat, as that seldom seems to work out well.

If I find out that there is a "Vampire Slayer" living in the vicinity, I will consider moving elsewhere, regardless of the advantages conferred by that particular location.

When faced with a gang of spunky kids determined to stop my evil schemes, I will consider surrender. Or mailbombs.

I will put on lots of makeup and fur and howl at the moon every once in a while. This should confuse the hero, and will probably enable me to get away with a silver bullet or two.

I will not consider property crimes beneath my dignity. Carjacking is a good source of income, and I don't have to worry much about the possibility of something going wrong.

About the images: 3 of my favorite vampires. Bunnicula, Duckula and Spike.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Repost: Live Aid DVD

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes – oops wrong band

I didn’t watch the concert way back when. I didn’t have a television in 1985. I have to admit that I skipped a lot of the DVD. For some strange reason I didn’t think many of the acts were that good. Except for the following:

Mullet and frosting aside, how could I not be impressed by Bono’s image making instincts (above)? I wonder what happened to that girl. Was it a life changing experience? Did she move to Africa and open up an orphanage or did she become a manager at McDonalds? Any of you U2 freaks reading this know?

Live Aid: U2 – Bad

George Thorogood

He did a rockin’ version of Madison Blues. I’d forgotten how interesting his guitar playing was. Thorogood is one of only two “Southern” guitarists I like. Now I’m on a search for mp3s for my collection.

Live Aid: George Thorogood - Madison Blues

What can I say? There will never be a band like them again. As I was watching I kept thinking of how amazing it was that in the 70s a bisexual man named Farrokh Bulsara from Zanzibar could become a British rock star named Freddie Mercury. He was like no one else and no one can replace him. I know the three surviving members are still working but I don’t believe there can be a Queen without Freddie.

Live Aid: Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody/Radio Ga Ga

There were two other acts I watched all the way through:

David Bowie
I’m a big fan but I really hate 80s Bowie. I hate the music. I hate the dance moves. I hate the clothes. But I watched it anyway. If you look around the internet, a lot of people think he was pretty good.

Live Aid: David Bowie – Heroes

The only song I have by them is Dancing With Tears In My Eyes. I watched them because I’m totally in love with Midge Ure’s accent. I could sit and listen to that man talk all day. He could read the dictionary and I’d be happy. I wasn’t that impressed with Vienna at Live Aid. I prefer the more recent version:

Live 8: Midge Ure and Eddie Izzard – Vienna

Eddie looks so intense, as if he’s saying “Don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up. Christ, I fucked it up. Don’t fuck up again. Don’t fuck up again.” I wonder how he let himself get talked into playing piano in the first place.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, October 28, 2011

T.G.I.F - Seven Seas of Rhye

I never really liked this song. Mostly because I have no idea what it means. According to many sites around the internet, Seven Seas of Rhye was Queen's first hit. It got to #10 on the UK charts. What would I know? I was 10. Here's a very weird looking version of the song from Top of the Pops. Is it just be or does Freddie look a lot like Cher in some of the shots in this video?

Recently Roger Taylor announced a contest to find a new touring band called Queen Extravaganza which will play Queen songs all over the world. Musicians are encouraged to send in video auditions.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 26

When I think of comfort the first thing I think of is food. What can I say? I'm a Cancer and we think with our stomachs. As they say, food is love. I don't take the time to cook really healthy food often enough. So this week I broke out the soup pot for some good old fashioned borscht. I used this recipe with a couple of variations. 

I used stew beef and removed all the gristle and fat before putting it into the pot. I also roasted the root veggies in a very slow (200) oven. Since they cook at different rates you have to keep checking on them. Soup is an all day affair. I also used lemon juice instead of red wine vinegar. 

There's something comforting about a house filled with wonderful food smells. I didn't get a lot of work done. The bonus is this stuff freezes. I'll have soup without fuss for the next month.

This week's card:
Live with It 
Since there is no scientific evidence to the contrary, it is possible that creative inspiration and abilities can be absorbed through osmosis. Just living with art may make you more creative. Surround yourself with as much art as will fit and you can afford. The pleasing products of other people's creative expression may just rub off on you. And at the very worst, you'll have creatively decorated your home.

Umm. I know a couple of soulless art collectors who own art for the investment. They don't have a creative bone in their bodies. They have no appreciation for the art that surrounds them except for its monetary value.

But hey, if you are creative, surrounding yourself with art can hardly hurt.

Creativity Resources

10 Tumblr Blogs to Creatively Inspire You – I just happened to see this article yesterday. Kismit.! – A large variety of artwork at reasonable prices.

Wolfmorphine – one of my favorite artists at deviantART.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Repost: I Give You The Queen

Hatshepsut’s Temple: Deir el-Bahri
A mummy first discovered in 1903 has been identified through the magic of DNA as my favorite Egyptian - Hatshepsut. The mummy is from KV60. Howard Carter (of Tutankhamen fame) discovered the tomb but because it only contained two female mummies and a bunch of broken grave goods, he was not interested.

The tomb was re-opened in 1906 and one mummy removed. That mummy was thought to be a Sit-Ra (royal nurse) to Hatshepsut called In. After that, the tomb was forgotten about until 1990 when the tomb was re-discovered and re-opened. At that point, the other mummy was removed. Here is a pic of the second mummy:

This picture really makes me sad. A part of me really hates seeing any of the bodies removed from their tombs. Just think, in 2000 years that could be you. Yet another reason to be cremated or to have a green burial.

If you are interested in learning about Egyptian tombs, the Theban Mapping Project is a great place to start.

Hatshepsut is my favorite Queen/Pharaoh for many reasons but mostly because she ruled without any major wars. She re-established many trade networks and Egypt became prosperous. Many people thought that her body had been destroyed by her stepson Thutmose III. When he took the throne after her he had her name erased from all records and public buildings. In ancient Egypt the greatest curse a person could use was “may your name be forgotten.”

Hatshepsut was a builder. She built my favorite temple (top). I’ve loved this temple since the first time I saw a picture of it 20-odd years ago. It’s one of the places I really want to see before I die. There are three nice panoramas of the temple here. In the fall of 1997 Verdi’s Aida was performed inside the temple.

Hatshepsut built so much that every major museum has her statuary. The Metropolitan Museum has a room full. Last year they had a special exhibit called: Hatshepsut: From Queen to Pharaoh.

Bet they’re smacking their heads right now. If only they’d waited one year they could be right in the middle of all the hype.


A few years ago, Discovery channel showed a documentary on Hatshepsut called Secrets of Egypt’s Lost Queen. Strangely enough, the picture that they used on the webpage wass from another documentary about the discovery of KV63 in 2006. According to the available preview for that DVD the mummy in that tomb was probably Tutankhamen’s Queen. That would make her Nefertiti’s daughter and no relation at all to Hatshepsut.


Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, October 21, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Shatner Sings (Ahem) Queen


The horror. I'm kind of intrigued by the idea behind William Shatner's latest musical ramblings. Having said that, Bohemian Rhapsody does not fit with the other songs. I know I'm biased. I don't like hearing other people doing Freddie's songs but this is just all kinds of wrong.

Meh. His heart's in the right place.

A short documentary about Seeking Major Tom:

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 25

This is as close as I got to nature this week. What? I went OUTSIDE. I've come to terms with my feelings about nature. I'm okay avoiding it. I'm someone who very rarely gets cabin fever. If I don't have a reason to go outside I don't. Most of the the time, especially in summer,  I go outside to get to somewhere else inside. Can I help it if I burn easily? The only exception is when I have a puppy. Then I slather on the sunscreen every day. But I will admit sometimes I wish there was an indoor dog park in Vancouver.

This week's card:
Add Comfort 
From a bathtub full of rose petals to bowls of only yellow M and Ms, traveling movie and rock stars are notorious for their idiosyncratic requests. Although these predilections may be a bit eccentric, we understand why they want their own personal comforts on the road. How can you make yourself as comfortable as possible while working? Are there special teas, slippers, or pens that allow you to feel taken care of while venturing off into the creative wilderness? Pamper yourself as needed to make that trip safe and comfortable.

I'm all about comfort. If' I'm going to sit at a computer all day I'd better have everything I need in reach. Right now the area around my computer is a mess.  I'm trying to reorganize my work space so that everything I need is easily accessible. I'm dreaming about a bigger desk with some bookshelves above.

If I know I'm going to spend a good stretch working I need to stock up on edibles. Not just stuff for meals but snacks and liquids. I don't want to stop to go foraging for food in the middle of some project or other. It's important to not interrupt my "flow". Especially if it hasn't been flowing recently.

 Creativity Resources

30+ Easy Ways To Pamper Yourself – A glass of wine, a trashy novel, your favorite music and many more ideas.

31 Days of Pampering – Exactly what it sounds like.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Repost - Eddie In My Super Ex-Girlfriend

I am merely a regular man with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste

I watched My Super Ex-Girlfriend last night. I have to admit it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. After all the reviews, I was expecting it to be a real floater. It was dumb and I hate Luke Wilson but it wasn’t the worst film I’ve ever seen.

Heck, I only watched it because of my everlasting devotion to and hots for one Edward John Izzard (as Professor Bedlam above). Personally, I think Eddie has got to stop making movies with Uma Thurman. They were both in that cinematic mistake The Avengers. I guess since Eddie got a pair of Uma’s tits out of the first movie he thought he’d try it again and see what he could scrounge. The mind boggles at the possibilities. I also don’t like the way their cinematic relationship is progressing. He tried to kill her in The Avengers, I had no problem with that. In this second movie she kisses him (which had the Eddie voice in my head saying “Get away from him you bitch!” -- Circle reference.) If things keep progressing they’ll be having sex in the next movie. I can already hear the Eddie lines that will run through my head should I ever be forced to view such a thing.

I bet you thought this was going to be a movie review.

You should know me better than that by now.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, October 14, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Killer Queen

Ah the 70s. The decade that taste forgot. What can I say about Glam Rock? I don't know why but I like it. Killer Queen (1974) is one of my favorite Queen songs and not just because I'm partial to Moet & Chandon. I was too young to be watching music TV shows in the 70s so I've never seen this particular performance. I had to laugh at the black nail polish on one hand. Now I know why I was doing it in the 80s.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 24

I'm not sure if this counts as “stream of consciousness” but I had a dream that woke me up and sent me to the computer at 5 am. Two hours later I had the beginnings of a story or maybe a novel. I'm calling it Metropolis Alpha for now. I have an overall form the story will take. I need to do a bit of research on the specifics. Yes, I'm being vague. I don't like to say too much about what I'm working on. I don't want to jinx it.

This week's card:
Be in Nature 
Sometimes removing yourself from all forms of civilization provides just the empty canvas you need. Maybe you crave the extra time and space to think through a project and you just can't get it in an urban jungle. Take a short walk on the beach or a week-long camping trip in the woods. Bring your supplies in case you feel inspired or leave them at home so you'll have fresh ideas to work on when you return.

I'm going to tell you straight out that the possibility of this happening is slim to nil. I'm really not a nature girl. I used to jokingly say that I get nervous if I can't see concrete. I've come to realize that it's not a joke. I never did like “the great outdoors.” It's a shame that I live in a city that has a lot of outdoors to offer. I can handle the occasional trip to Stanley Park or English Bay. I haven't been to either place in months. Maybe if the weather is good I'll go and have lunch on the seawall.  Not too far away from the cars...

Creativity Resources

Nature as Creativity Booster – A blog post on how nature can help you be more creative.

One artist's take on how nature effects her creativity:

About the image: Director Peter Jackson in a Hobbit house set built for his film The Hobbit. For some reason whenever I think of living in harmony with nature I think of Hobbits.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Life Inc.

The above photo was posted on Facebook the other day. I have mixed feelings about it. I'm not so naive that I don't understand the role corporations play in my life. I get my food from a corporation. I take public transit which is run by a corporation. Hell, even my doctor's office is a corporation. Most people who work do so for a corporation. The "corporation" is here to stay. I get that.

I will admit that I don't know a lot about how corporations work. I may be wrong but it is my understanding that a corporation has an obligation to make its shareholders money. If the shareholders don't think the people running their corporation are making them enough money they can fire those people.

One of the problems is that corporations are NOT required to make money ethically or in a socially conscious way. The other big problem is that corporations have gotten too much political power. They spend millions on lobbyists and contributing to political campaigns.

This political power means that the average corporation pays less in taxes than an ER nurse. I think that's a big problem. Corporations use their political power to make sure that laws do not get in the way of their profits. That is also a problem.

Anyone who has been reading my blogs or my Facebook wall knows that I have a serious bee in my bonnet about Monsanto. Monsanto currently owns more than 90% of the patents on genetically modified  organisms (GMOs.) Leaving aside the idea of anyone holding a patent on food, Monsanto is creating more and more GMOs with no oversight whatsoever. They claim that GMO foods are safe but they said that about Agent Orange and DDT too.

In truth, GMOs are too new for anyone to know their long term effects. But Monsanto needs to get more of its products into more countries. I have heard that they are looking for ways to sue countries that have voted against introducing GMO products. They are also currently fighting legislation that would force companies to label their GMO ingredients.

Monsanto is a corporation. Its reason for existing is to make its shareholders money. They've done some pretty unscrupulous things to do so. Things like suing organic farmers whose crops have been contaminated by the wind blowing Monsato seeds onto their property. Monsanto claims that this is patent infringement. The courts have agreed in some cases.

Monsanto is just one example of morally bankrupt corporations. Don't even get me started on "Big Pharma" and the race to develop a "female Viagra". Until something is done about the need to make a profit no matter what, someone will always be getting screwed. Is it surprising that some people are tired of bending over?

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Repost - The Signs Are Everywhere

Bono and Larry at Cannes May19, 2007
“Yes, and the more penises you have, the higher your rank. Boys will be boys” – Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen)

Last night I finally watched The Da Vinci Code. I have to admit I enjoyed the movie. I loved watching Sir Ian as Teabing. He seemed to be having a marvelous time. The quote above made me choke on my drink. Teabing and Langdon are deep in exposition mode, explaining the ancient symbols

for male: two lines forming a peak or penis.

for female: the same symbol inverted to form a womb

I wonder if Bono knows that the symbols on his sleeve (above) proclaim him twice the woman as the next guy. Some wags might say that’s quite believable when the next guy is Larry Mullen but we’ll just leave it be won’t we?


I won’t go into the fact vs fiction debate. I covered that in a previous post: Breaking The Da Vinci Code.

I did like how the movie presented the argument for the vilification of women in Christianity. If Jesus had meant Mary to be his “rock” and not Peter, then Peter had a good reason for turning Mary into a prostitute and making women less then men. The Burning Times make a lot of sense when thought of as The Church’s determined effort to get rid of all the freethinking women. It has always stuck in my craw that John Paul II went around apologizing for a lot of things done by The Church, like the Spanish Inquisition, but he never apologize for torturing and murdering millions of women. Even today, women are killed for being witches. The last known actual witch burning was in 1984.

The idea that The Church has been wrong for 2000 years is very scary to the men in charge. If Mary had led the church, chances are, we would be living in a vastly different world today. The idea that Jesus considered Mary to be fit to lead the faith must be causing apoplexy in some Catholic priests. A while back, a few Canadian women were ordained into the priesthood by a renegade priest when the local news station interviewed a Catholic priest here in Vancouver he actually said that women could not be priests because only men can have a special relationship with god.

And people wonder why I’m no longer Catholic.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, October 7, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Body Language

Body Language might be Queen's second stupidest song (after Radio GaGa.) I'd never seen the video until this morning. The song seems to be an excuse for Freddie to be around hot, scantily clad bodies (male and female) while he remains fully clothed. Weird. And slightly homoerotic. I really should have liked this video more than I did. I guess I can't get past the stupid lyrics (printed below) and very boring music. 

According to Wikipedia, the song went to #11 on the US Top 100 charts. It also says that Body Language was the first video ever banned by MTV. 

It all seems rather tame now.

Body Language lyrics

Give me your body
Give me your body body
Give me your body
Don't talk don't talk don't talk don't talk
Baby don't talk
Body language
Body language
Body language

Give me your body
Just give me, yeah, your body
Give me, yeah, your body
Don't talk
Body language huh huh
Body language
Body language

You got red lips snakes in your eyes
Long legs great thighs
You got the cutest ass I've ever seen
Knock me down for a six any time

Look at me I gotta case of body language
Look at me I gotta case of body language
Look at me I gotta case of body language
Look at me I gotta case of body language
Of body language
Of body language

Yeah sexy body sexy sexy body
I want your body
Baby you're hot

Body language
Body language
Body language
Body language
Body language
Body language
Body language
Body language
Body language

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 23

This week I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what I “loved” to do. Then Steve Jobs died and people started posting the video below. I think it sums up why you should find what you love before it's too late.

This week's card:
Stream of Consciousness 
As the bumper sticker says, “The mind is like a parachute: it works best when open.” But where creativity is concerned, sometimes the mind works best when it's not working at all. Try giving yourself an hour or a day of recess, when you let your subconscious run the show. Give your hand permission to draw unrecognizable shapes in uncharacteristic colors. Let your voice reach for notes you're sure you can't sing. Let your fingers type a story that seems to make no sense. Even if you don't end up framing, recording or publishing these flights of fancy, learning to loosen your inhibitions will add taste and color to your more conscious creations.

I'm kind of looking forward to this one. There's no telling where my mind might go if I just let it.

Creativity Resources:

Free Your Mind: The Scientific Approach to Creativity – an interesting article about tapping into your subconscious.

Silversphere – A game that requires you to think creatively. 25 levels each with a different kind of problem to work your mind around.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Repost: Breaking The Da Vinci Code

Click for larger image
From time to time I peruse the documentary section of my local library. Sometimes I find very interesting things. This week I took out one called Breaking The DaVinci Code. Unfortunately I didn’t read the small print that said “Grizzly Adams Family Entertainment.”

I read The DaVinci Code when it came out. I wasn’t impressed. I thought the first Robert Langdon book Angels And Demons was much more interesting and better written. To be honest I found the non-fiction book Holy Blood, Holy Grail to be much more fascinating.

I wanted to take the Hollywood movie version out of the library but the VPL has 20 copies and there are currently 250 holds. At that rate I should get it some time in 2008.


To get back to Breaking The DaVinci Code

The film is a bunch of Christian scholars (each of whom has a DaVinci Code book out) talking about the “real facts.” The video shows science types doing work and using scientific instruments but what they’re supposedly doing is never talked about.

I have no idea if Mary and Jesus were married. I wasn’t there and I don’t know anyone who was. Let’s face it, all the writing we have from that time is suspect. A lot of stuff was burned during the Dark Ages. Stuff that didn’t fit with Church doctrine was probably destroyed. It was done many times, with the Celts, with the Inka etc. Whole histories destroyed because it didn’t fit in with the conquerors worldview.

Consider this, Jesus was a 32 year old Jewish man. It would have been considered very odd if he wasn’t married. I’m just saying.

Leaving aside if you believe or not, there are some really stupid things in this video:

One guy said that there is no word for “goddess” in the Hebrew language. My online Hebrew/English dictionary begs to differ:

(ש"ע) אלה, אלילה; אישה יפהפיה (סלנג)

I have no idea how to pronounce it but I guess it exists.

The argument that the Priory of Scion never existed before the Mid-20th Century is that it is not mentioned until some pretender to the French throne started writing about it and planting evidence (through unnamed henchmen.)

The argument against Sir Isaac Newton being a Grand Master of the Priory is that he never mentioned being part of a secret society in any of the hundreds of papers found after his death.

What part of Secret Society are these people not getting?

One “mystery” is the coded messages in DaVinci’s “Last Supper.” The argument of Dan Brown’s book is that the apostle at Jesus’ right hand is not John but Mary. I look at the picture and it looks like a woman to me. Breaking The DaVinci Code says that the artist left sketches where he labelled each person and the figure in question is labelled as John. An art historian also says that John looks like a woman because he was the youngest of the apostles (too young to grow facial hair) and the style DaVinci used to depict him is a common way to depict young men.

They didn’t show any other paintings of young men by DaVinci to prove the point. I wonder why. Are there no other depictions of young men? Or do the ones that exist not agree with their theory?

The overall argument is that there are no coded messages in DaVinci because they cannot be recognized as codes.

Again… what part of secret are these people not getting?

It’s quite reasonable to think that DaVinci put coded messages meant to be read by only a few people in the know in his work. Labelling the figure as Mary would have gotten DaVinci burned at the stake. Now I didn’t know him, but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have liked that. Besides, the painting was a commission and he had to paint what the patron expected.

Anyway, these scholars spent 60 minutes repeating how shoddy Dan Brown’s research was and how many “factual” mistakes he made. They didn’t present much scholarly evidence and what was presented was decidedly biased.

I don’t know the answers. Maybe we need to get DNA from the Shroud of Turin (if it’s real) and find out. Then again, maybe it doesn’t really matter if the “truth” is proven or not. That’s what faith is all about isn’t it?

Judgement: Don’t waste your time. Even if you are a Christian this isn’t a very in depth or scholarly work. I’m sure there is better information out there.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.