Monday, February 21, 2011

Memory is a Strange Thing

Unlike a lot of people, I haven't been watching Glee. High school with singing? ::shudder:: The other day I found a video on YouTube of a performance from the show. I'll admit I liked it. Still it didn't make me want to watch. Until last night. I was bored. I decided to watch a few episodes online. I was in for a surprise.

Most of you fans will recognize Noah "Puck" Puckerman who is played by Mark Salling. The first time he showed up on my monitor I had a very... um... intense reaction. I blamed it on wonky hormones. The guy is eighteen years younger than me. I usually go for older men (Patrick Stewart, David McCallum etc.) so my interest in Puck was an anomaly that I couldn't explain.

Until approximately 3 AM. I don't know what I was dreaming about but it triggered a memory. I  woke up and suddenly understood my reaction to Puck. He looks a lot like the first boy I ever kissed. I'll call him Brian. I was in grade eight and he was in grade seven. Did I mention that I hate being the older woman?

And I didn't actually kiss him. He pushed up against the school wall and kissed me. Then he walked away. I was left standing there really confused. I had no idea why he would do such a thing. It wasn't for a bet or dare because there was no one else in the school yard and therefore no proof. I have no idea how I ended up in the schoolyard alone with Brian. I remember walking home in a daze.

Brian never tried to kiss me again. I don't remember him even talking to me again. Now that I look back on it, I can guess that he was waiting for me to make the next move. Unfortunately for him I was already screwed up sexually. By the time Brian and I met I had been sexually molested and survived an attempted rape. It would be many years before I willingly kissed anyone.

I've been thinking of Brian all day. I even Googled him. He got married and has a bunch of kids. I guess some other girl knew what to do when he pushed her up against the wall. Or else he got a better MO.

I hope this little trip down memory lane ends soon. I don't want to have raging hormones every time I watch an episode of Glee. It might be better if I avoided the show but, damn it, I'm hooked.

Read my other Glee related posts here

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  1. I haven't watched Glee yet, but I feel like I should. Everybody is talking about the show.

    It's interesting that it would trigger the memory of your first kiss. He wasn't very smooth about it, but it was one of his first kisses as well. I'm sorry that you were a victim of sexual abuse.

    Visiting from SITS.

  2. Glee can be addicting. I have the season one DVDs sitting beside me right now.

    It's bringing back all kinds of memories. I was in Glee Club when I was in high school. It was probably the best part of those four years for me.

  3. I started watching while we were living out of the country last year. A lot of my friends there kept talking about how good it was. But I didn't start watching it until late in the season. SSOO glad I did. LOVE it. ADDICTED. But my fave is, and always will be, Finn. He's HOT!

  4. What amazes me is that Mark and Cory are both 29 years old. They looks so young. I know I didn't look like a high school girl when I was 29. ::jealous::