Saturday, December 31, 2011

Repost: Getting To Know... Me

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner -- who pays? 

Are you telling me that the Son of God can't get comped somewhere?

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt a new name. Where would you go and what would it be? 

Probably England/Scotland/Ireland since I pretty much speak the language. Name: Machara Drake.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently? 

I really don't know enough about the states to choose. I could have done without my trip to Minot ND. That was kind of like hell.

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna do?

There's a Steve Martin movie where he says that if he woke up as a woman he'd just stay at home and play with his tits all day. I've always been curious about what intercourse feels like for the other gender.

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo?

Han Solo all the way. Harrison Ford's hands featured in some of my earliest sexual fantasies.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child? 

I can't really think of any toy I wanted and didn't get. I didn't have dolls but I don't remember ever wanting one.

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do.

Just three? You have no idea how long my list is. It resides in that alternate universe where all my chosen are single and willing.... Okay, top 3 at this particular moment Eddie Izzard, Bono, Angelina Jolie. Ask me again tomorrow that might all change.

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?

Homophobic; drug, alcohol or gambling addiction; no sense of humor

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?

I can't remember any. I don't go to "scary" movies.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud? 

There's way too many to choose from. Sometimes my mouth is in gear before my brain's engaged.

11. You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution. What do you want to eat? 

Steak and eggs. Toast. A mimosa or five dozen - if ever there was a time to be elegantly wasted...

12. What's something that most people do that you don't?

Drive. I've never had a license. I have classic migraines with aura which means I can lose up to 80% of my vision at any time without warning. I don't feel that behind the wheel is not somewhere I should be.

13. Before you die you want to ...? 

Travel overseas. That would require that I save money which I don't seem to be able to do at the moment.

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?

Go up to the International Space Station.

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?

A tiger would be fun. If I had a huge backyard.

16. A drug you'll never try? 

Coke or heroin. I think I might like them too much.

17. If you were an animal, what would you be?

A dragon of course.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it have been?

I don't remember anyone I knew back then.

19. What's something a lot of people don't know about you?

I have an extra rib. I'm not kidding.

20. First celebrity crush?

Sad to say it was Shaun Cassidy (Joe Hardy). I grew up!

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities?

A stiletto

22. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)?

Bagels with cream cheese and lox

23. Favorite parody movie?

Galaxy Quest or Spinal Tap

24. Worst way to die?

I think being drawn and quartered would hurt a lot.

25. Grossest injury you've ever seen?

Do the ones on CSI count? There have been a few "ick" moments on that show.

26. The worst injury you've ever had?

I cut my head open when I was a child. 44 stitches and a jagged scar.

27. Favorite thing about Thanksgiving?

It only comes once a year.

28. Sport you hate the most?

It's got to be a tie between golf and curling.

29. What state in the US do you want to visit?

I'd love to go to Hawaii this December...

30. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about? 

How to dismantle an atomic bomb. How to survive in a post-apocalyptic world.

31. What's one phrase you absolutely detest?

Have a nice day!

32. What makes an awesome party?

I have no idea. I've only had one. I still don't know what happened during it. All I know is that someone almost died.

33. What's your material obsession?

Music. I've gotten quite the iTunes habit.

34. What's something most would consider an insult but you enjoy having said about you?

When I was in high school one of the guys on the football team yelled "Freak" at me as I walked down the hall. I smiled, bowed to him and said "Thanks, you just made my day." No one ever did that again. My friend's little brother once said he thought I was "neat". I was quite upset. I'd put a lot of work into being a freak.

35. Favorite type of dog?


36. Favorite carnival food?

Candy Floss

37. Morning or night person?

Somehow I've morphed into a morning person. I don't know how or why that happened.

38. Worst drunken/drugged up habit?

I've never been drunk. I've only taken "recreational" drugs 3 times and that was over 20 years ago.

39. Weirdest ebay purchase?

I've only ever purchased a video tape.

40. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted?

Never been wasted. Never saw much point.

41. It's Saturday at 3am where are you?

Dead to the world in my cozy bed. Unless of course I have company...

42. Who's your favorite friend to go out with?

Ever? I'd have to say Terry. We had the same taste in men. We'd fight over guys on the street "I saw him first". Freak people out. But it really depends what I'm going out to do. Colleen is great to go to movies with because she usually has something to say afterwards.

43. Worst job you've ever had?

Attendant in a laundry mat. Use your imagination.

44. What's something your friends make fun of you for?

R-boy used to bug me about being a "Trekkie".

45. Favorite cereal?

Currently: Special K Red Berry

46. Book that you could read over and over?

One Fine Day In The Middle Of The Night.

47. What's the meanest thing you've ever done?

I told my friend Johnny to be really nice and polite to this guy named Gary for a week. At the end of the week Gary came to me and said that she'd been really nice to him. I said that she's at her most dangerous when she's being nice. He turned pale and looked like he was going to faint. He went home early and we didn't see him for 5 days. I told Johnny what I'd done and we laughed. Of course this was in high school and Gary was a dweeb who'd been making snide comments about us for 3 years. I think he deserved ever ounce of torture we could get out of him.

48. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive?
I'd be a draft dodger. If the question is could I kill or be killed then the answer is yes. I could kill to save my own life or the lives of others.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Repost: Must See Movies

A bunch of movie critics have put together a list of films to see before you die:
1 Apocalypse Now 2 The Apartment 3 City of God 4 Chinatown 5 Sexy Beast 6 2001: A Space Odyssey 7 North by Northwest 8 A Bout de Souffle 9 Donnie Darko 10 Manhattan 11 Alien 12 Lost in Translation 13 The Shawshank Redemption 14 Lagaan: Once Upon A Time in India 15 Pulp Fiction 16 Touch of Evil 17 Walkabout 18 Black Narcissus 19 Boyz n the Hood 20 The Player 21 Come and See 22 Heavenly Creatures 23 A Night at the Opera 2 4 Erin Brockovich 25 Trainspotting 26 The Breakfast Club 27 Hero 28 Fanny and Alexander 29 Pink Flamingos 30 All About Eve 31 Scarface 32 Terminator 2 33 Three Colours: Blue 34 The Royal Tenenbaums 35 The Ladykillers 36 Fight Club 37 The Searchers 38 Mulholland Drive 39 The Ipcress File 40 The King of Comedy 41 Manhunter 42 Dawn of the Dead 43 Princess Mononoke 44 Raising Arizona 45 Cabaret 46 This Sporting Life 47 Brazil 48 Aguirre: The Wrath of God 49 Secrets and Lies 50 Badlands. 

Hmmm. I'm really not sure about this list. There's no explanation as to why must we see these films. I've seen a few of them. Hated Apocalypse Now. The Apartment was okay. Chinatown was good. Hated Sexy Beast. Don't remember North By Northwest though I know I've seen it. Loved Shawshank Redemption. The Player was boring. Loved Heavenly Creatures. The Breakfast Club was cute. Blue was really boring. Ten out of the 50 isn't very good.

What films would you have on the list?

I'd add The Usual Suspects and The Sixth Sense because they're good examples of movies with trick endings. After seeing The Usual Suspects I sat in the theatre and said, "Wow." I've loved this film more every time I've seen it. The Sixth Sense I actually figured out before the end. While watching the film I was bugged by what I thought was a timeline/plot problem. Bruce Willis' character always seemed to be getting home at the same time, no matter when the previous scene took place. Then I noticed that he was always wearing the same clothes and a light went on.

I'd also add a couple of dystopia films like Blade Runner and Total Recall. Or what many consider the first dystopia film: Logan's Run

The rush to Y2K brought out a bunch of weird movies. Some are near future sci-fiction like Strange Days but most of them were what I call "end of the millennium devil movies." End of Days and Stigmata are the first to come to mind (both staring Gabriel Byrne for some reason). With the release of a The Omen remake I hope that this was one film trend that is on the way out.

There have been a lot of other film trends over the years (buddy films, hip hop films etc.). I think at least one example from each should be on everyone's "must see" list. How do you know what you like if you don't try some of everything?

How like life.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Happy Holidays

Donate To Pacific Assistance Dog Society

Happy Holidays!

As you can tell, I haven't been posting this month. I've been dealing with a medical issue. I've decided not to stress about blogging for the rest of the year. There will be another repost because I scheduled it ages ago. I will be back going full tilt boogie in January of 2012.

See you then.


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Repost: Get A (Spiritual) Life

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Morgan La Fey by Fredrick Sandys

Warning: New Age stuff ahead. 

I've been on a strange journey today. It started out in the usual way, reading the news at when I came to a piece about Ghost Whisperer. It seems that the set has been visited by ghosts who show up in a single frame of film. The ghostly shots are supposed to be available at the show's official site but I couldn't find them.

I'm not really a big fan of GW. The husband is kind of cute. I'm kind of bored with the whole "I see dead people" thing. Living with a ghost will do that. I also don't agree with the show's assertion that people are haunted, places aren't. My last apartment had a ghost. S/he kept stealing spoons. Go ahead and laugh. When you have to go out and buy 8 spoons every 4 or 5 months for 11 years it gets to be a bit much. I moved to my current apartment 5 years ago and no more missing spoons.

I believe people and places are "haunted". I've had another ghostly hanger on since 1997. He saved my life. I had a space heater that caught fire. I was woken up by someone grabbing my ankle. I looked down to the end of the bed and there was a man standing there. Right beside him was the burning heater. If I hadn't woken up I'd be a ghost now. Since then he's made himself known occasionally by touching me.

My first PADS puppy, Chinook, came with an invisible brother or sister. I would often feel something brush against my leg. I'd look down expecting to see Chinook there but there wouldn't be anything. Eventually, as Chinook and the ghost got bigger, I started feeling something at the end of my bed at night when Chinook was in his kennel. I would say "off" (the command to get off the furniture) and whatever it was would leave. I had meant to ask about the litter Chinook came from but I never did. That particular ghost left with Chinook. I'm happy to report that, the next dog, Nickelback arrived without baggage of any sort.

I didn't start this post intending to recount the ghosts of my life. Looking at the GW site got me thinking about spirit guides. I have one. He's been with me since I was a child. His name is Bon. He's a dragon. He tags along whenever I do a meditation for a specific reason. He's quite funny and snarky and full of advice (some useful... some not so much). My meditations aren't always productive. I often end up laughing. Bon got a lot more talky when I started exploring the Celtic version of Shamanism. Bon went with me when I tried to find my "wild woman" or the irrational side of my brain. She wasn't in. Instead we found a rather buttoned-down young man named Jack. Jack has hang-ups. Bon loves pushing his buttons. My spiritual journeys are quite a bit like Crosby and Hope road movies.

If you're interested in looking into Celtic Shamanism I suggest reading By Oak, Ash, & Thorn by DJ Conway. It's got a lot of fun meditations to do. I go back and do them every now and then. Especially the one where you go inside a piece of fruit. Pineapples have the best parties. LOL. As you might have guessed I don't take my spirituality all that seriously. I mean no disrespect. I think each person has to make his or her own peace with the spiritual world.

While looking up stuff about animal totems I came across a couple of interesting articles. One was about the character of Chakotay from Star Trek Voyager being just a stereotypical Hollywood native along the lines of Tonto. The other was about new age gurus raping and pillaging Native spirituality to make a buck. I agree with both articles.

I can only point out that shamanism is not exclusive to "native" cultures. The Celts were a shamanistic culture. I'm part Scottish and very attracted to many aspects of Celtic culture so I think my interest in Celtic spirituality is quite natural. Of course many Scottish people are quite bored of the offspring of the Celtic diaspora trying to reconnect with their roots but that's another post altogether.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 33

Last week's card was a bout demons. We all have them. Some times we don't even realize it until we sit down and look for ourselves. As they say, naming them is the first step to recovery. I've spent some time this week looking over my writing career, such as it is at the moment,  and I've found some very strong demons hovering. Fear of Success and Fear of Failure are front and center. Perfectionism is also a big one. It's going to take a lot of work before I can put my demons behind me. I think they'll always be around but I'm hoping for a day when I can ignore them and just get back to writing .

This week's card:
Recipe Book 
If you're like most creative people, you thrive on a steady diet of stimuli. So keep the ingredients close at hand -- make yourself a cookbook of inspiration. attach to its pages newspaper articles, postcards, quotations and song lyrics that summon your muse out of hiding. don't forget the lock of hair you saved from your highly productive, magenta Mohawk era, and the photo of the admired one whose accomplishments encourage your own. Then, the next time your imagination gauge is hovering  near empty, pull out your special recipe book and fill up on a rich and enriching feast of images and ideas.
This sounds like a fun project. I can see myself getting carried away by the possibilities and not doing anything else for the whole week. That would be different wouldn't it? We'll just have to see how it goes.

 Creativity Resources

Inspiration Box - make your own box to keep things that inspire you together.

Andy Warhol's Inspiration Box - a cute kit with an Andy Warhol action figure and stickers.

About the image: Mr. Dressup's "Tickle Trunk" now at the  CBC Museum in Toronto. It contained everything needed to have fun and adventures on a kid's television show.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

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Saturday, December 10, 2011

Repost: All that Is Wilde

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...the real tragedy of the poor is that they can afford nothing but self-denial. Beautiful sins, like beautiful things, are the privilege of the rich." -Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

Last night I watched a video called 
Happy Birthday Oscar Wilde. The ever fabulous c over at Scatter O'light turned me on to it beause it features Bono, Larry Mullen and Gavin Friday.

The whole video was people quoting Oscar Wilde or wishing him happy 150th birthday (rather self-consciously in some cases.) Over a hundred personalities stood in front of a blue screen and delivered some fairly famous lines.

Here's a sample of some of the quotes used:

The books that the world calls immoral are books that show the world its own shame. - Quoted by Larry Mullen
There's only one thing in the world that's worse than being talked about and that's not being talked about. - Quoted by Larry Mullen

Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword!

Some kill their love when they are young,
And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
The dead so soon grow cold.
Some love too little, some too long,
Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
Yet each man does not die.

- Quoted by Bono & Gavin Friday

The project was done in support of Amnesty International and all the people appearing in the film gave their time freely. The "making of" documentary on the DVD was interesting. It seems that once Bono and Larry put their hats into the ring everything got going. The documentary had a few funny scenes, mostly of people flubbing their lines or missing cues or just fooling around. I like the shots of Bono getting his chest hair fixed by the makeup artist. He makes a comment about a Tom Jones problem. Also cute is the director telling Larry to smile. He says that after 25 years of not smiling it's a hard habit to break.

There were a lot of British and Irish actors that I've never heard of in the film. I'm sure some of you out there know a fair lot more than I. I did manage to recognize, Barry Bostwick, Ed Begley Jr., Stuart Copeland, Tyne Daly, Martin Sheen, Rene Auberjonois and Rosie Perez.

After watching the film I realized that I haven't read any Oscar Wilde for a long time. I think I'll have to go find myself some this summer.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, December 9, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Vocal Improv

Some people say that their favorite part of a Queen concert was when Freddie played his "game" with the audience.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 32

I've done it again. I could have sworn that yesterday was Tuesday. It think it might be a side effect of my migraines. I seem to lose a day or so with each one. It's really weird because I can look directly at a calendar and not register the proper day. I will look at it and see what I think I should see. ::shrug::


I've always had a lot of voices in my head. You might even say I spend way too much time in my head listening to the stories those voices have to tell. My problem is that the voices do not wait their turn. There are always multiple stories competing for attention. I will get so far with one story and then I have to start a new one because I've got a new voice. I can't put them off. If I don't get things down right away I'll lose them. I wish there was some way to organize them. Maybe I could post times in my brain: new stories Mondays from 6pm to 8pm; new chapters Tuesdays from 4pm to 6pm; extraneous background information Wednesdays from 2pm to 4pm; etc.

That would be lovely.

This week's card: 
When facing the blank canvas, the blank screen, or the shapeless lump of clay, there are endless, potentially debilitating ways to convince yourself that it makes more sense to get up and wash the dishes instead. There's that old standby, Fear of Failure: “What if I don't get on Oprah/get a gallery/get a life?” and its paradoxical cousin, Fear of Success: “What if I do get on Oprah and I'm still not rich/thin/happy?” There's the need to surpass, or bypass, your parents' expectations: the desire to do better than that successful younger brother, just this once. Exorcising one's demons is a lifelong process that begins with one simple step: identify them. Then you can face them down as you go.

I think my biggest demon is Fear of Success. I've always thought that “potential” was the scariest word in the English language. I've always been told that I had great potential. I've been told by many writing teachers, including a best selling author, that I'm a great writer. This has been immediately followed by a long period of me being incapable of writing anything at all.

Many years ago I wrote a feature length script. I let a screenwriter read it. He said it was great. He even sent it to his agent to read. The agent had a few minor suggestions that would have been easy to incorporate into the script. He even suggested a film company he thought might buy the script. I never sent the script to anyone else. I never re-wrote it. It sits in my files exactly the same as it was the day I finished it. I can't even look at it any more. It's a useless waste of paper.

Fear of Success? Check.

Creativity Resources

Are These 2 Creativity Myths Holding You Back? Meet the “Creative Genius” and the “Tortured Artist.”

Mental Illness and the Creative Process – Reviews of two books that look at mental illness and creativity.

The Inner Demon That Trumps Them All – Perfectionism is the worst of all demons.

About the image: Lorne was a singing demon from the television show Angel. If all my demons were like him I'd be having a lot more fun.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Repost: X-Men: The Last Stand Review

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I finally went to see X-MEN: The Last Stand. I wanted to wait until the crowds died down. I went to a matinee. I think there were about 15 people in the theatre. Not seeing the film right away meant that I had to avoid spoilers. I'm happy to say that the only thing I knew about the movie was that the next movie was going to be a Wolverine movie. Now I know why.

I'm not going to give out any big spoilers just a small one or two...

They killed off the X-Man I disliked most in the first few minutes of the film.(YAY) Then a short while later they killed off my second favorite X-Man.(BOO)

If you haven't seen the film yet, make sure you stay through the end credits. There's a little surprise at the end.


While I enjoyed the film I don't think it was a good as the other two. For some strange reason it felt like a "contractual obligation" film. It's as if the cast had signed on for 3 so they had to do 3. I know that's not what happened but it sure felt like it. I know that Halle Berry has said she will not do another movie but her character is still alive at the end.

I also have a little nitpick. In the first movie, Wolverine skewers Mystique and she survives. In this movie he skewers another female mutant in the same way but she dies. What gives? Okay. It's a comic book world. Things don't have to make sense but really! LOL.

My other observation is that Patrick Stewart has now been in two films where a main character is killed but his "consciousness" is transferred into another body. Is this a trend in movie making? Are we now so afraid of death our "art" needs to find extraordinary ways to beat it? I'm just askin'.

One of the people I went to the movie with commented on how Magnito spouts a lot of pseudo-Nazi rhetoric in this film. I think that fanaticism twists itself so much that it becomes worse than whatever it started out being against (or for). Fear and hatred are two of the strongest (and most destructive) emotions humans have. I'm sure Magnito doesn't see himself as a mutant Nazi.

There are interesting questions posed by this movie. If you were a mutant and there was a "cure" would you take it? Would you force your children to take it? Should the government force everyone to take the cure? At what point does a "cure" become one more weapon for society to use against those who are different?

While watching the movie I kept thinking about homosexuality and how some people still believe it is an illness that can be cured. I know people who have been subjected to all sorts of things including, in one case, an exorcism because parents were sure that there was a cure for their child's sexual orientation. I'm sure none of those parents thought of themselves as Nazies.

Huh. This has turned into a much longer entery than I thought it would. Maybe that means the movie was better than I thought. Maybe. Maybe not. I really just went to look at Wolverine anyway. Prrrrrrr!

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, December 2, 2011

T.G.I.F. - We Are The Champions

It's pretty rare to find a video of We Are The Champions that doesn't turn into We Will Rock You but I kind of like it on its own.
I'm always surprised by how many Freddie fans I have among my internet friends. Thanks to everyone who, like me, couldn't believe Freddie has been gone for 20 years. There will never be another one like him.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 31

I went looking for two things. New music. Preferably something “moody” and not just my usual singable/danceable stuff. I also searched for vanilla perfume. I used to wear the one made by The Body Shop but over the years they've changed their formula (or something) and I can't stand what they are currently selling. I can't stand a lot of the stuff they make since they were bought by L'OrĂ©al but that's a whole other blog post.

I had more luck in the music department. I found something new (in the first video below) and some stuff I'd forgotten about. I'm especially glad to find the theme from the TV show Angel (second video). How more moody can you get? I need to find more cello music.

This week's card:
Listen for Voices 
As we move through the routines of our daily lives, we're directed by a cacophony of voices telling us what to do, when to do it, and how we might expect to be rewarded for doing it well. The question we don't often have time to ask, or answer, is why? The creative process lends itself well to that kind of soft, slow-paced self-exploration. Next time you contemplate beginning a creative project start by closing your eyes. Listen for the voices inside that tell you what really matters – not to the world, or to your fourth-grade teacher or to The New York Times' art critic – but to you. No matter how the project itself turns out, the process is sure to speak to you.

We all have inner voices. Most of us have more than one. It can be hard to listen to the RIGHT inner voice. If you're inner critic is anything like mine, he can shout down just about anyone. I've never had a lot of success with meditation. Especially group meditations. The last time I tried, one of the others brought her dog. Halfway through the meditation the dog started snoring. I still laugh every time I think about meditating.

When I'm alone listening to a guided meditation I often fall asleep. I'm sure my inner voice knows how to tap into my dreams if she has anything important to say.

Creativity Resources

Five Pathways to Listening to Your Inner Voice – a short article about how to listen.

How to Do Guided Meditation – basic instruction to get you going.

Mindful Meditation MP3s – from UCLA's Mindful Awareness Research Center

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Repost: Well That Was Fun

Nickel and I just got back from the 3rd World Urban Forum I'm not really sure what's been going on. It seems like a lot of people gathering around to say, "Yes, we like cities. We must, we've got a bunch of them!" I've just been getting the updates for the other days activities and that's about as much as I can figure out. 
It was my job to sit at the Amnesty International table and get people to sign petitions. All the delegates from countries that have horrendous human rights records gave us a very wide berth. I was pretty bored. In fact getting in was the most fun. There was some security there alright. Photo id cards mandatory. 

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I'm not showing you mine. There seems to be some kind of rule that id card photos must be the worst photos possible. Notice they spelled Nickel's name wrong. They spelled my last name wrong on mine. So much for security.

Nickel thought the metal detector was fun. We had to go through the kind that you have at the airport and that beeped. After that one took a wand and started waving it around. Nickel decided that it was a toy and I had to stop her from grabbing it and making for the hills. That would have been fun.

It was interesting seeing all those "secret service" types do a double take when they spotted the dog. That was immediately followed by them talking into their cufflinks. Two security guards actually asked to see Nickel's id.

Oh well. I've got a cool souvenir. Yes my dog does have id. I feel like Sue Thomas.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, November 25, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Pictures of Freddie

Since yesterday was the 20th anniversary of Freddie's death and I'm still kinda bummed, I thought I'd share this nice video created from pictures.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Twenty Years

September 5, 1946 - November 24, 1991

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 30

I will admit that I got so busy that I forgot all about this week's exercise. When I remembered I went looking for some inspiration and found a mind map for the history of Science Fiction. And there went the rest of the day. Check out the full size map but be prepared to lose time.

This week's card:
Seduce Your Senses 
Whether your creative expression involves hacking at slabs of granite with a sledge hammer or sitting at a piano tickling the ivories, the act of creation is a sensory experience. Treat your body as the creative fountainhead that it is. Close yourself in your favorite room, fill an aromatherapy lamp with lavender oil, and let the fragrance transport you. Schedule a one hour foot massage and then follow those mellow feet to a salon for a long, luxurious pedicure. Close your eyes and touch an ice cube or a kitten's belly. Sink into a steamy bubble bath surround by twenty scented candles. Delight your senses, and they're likely to return the favor.

I have to have music when I'm at the computer. I can't work without it. I also have to be warm and wearing comfortable clothes. Preferably pajamas/lounge wear. I love going to the spa for a mani/pedi. I just can't afford to do it too often. It's not the same when you do it yourself. I'm not big on aromatherapy but there are a couple of kinds of incense I like. Vanilla scented anything is okay with me. I used to wear vanilla oil perfume. One day a woman stopped me and asked what I was wearing. I told her and she said, “It's like walking behind a chocolate chip cookie.” Uh-yup. You know that old saying about the way to a man's heart being through his stomach? You can take a short cut through his nose. Vanilla, apple and pumpkin seem to make men amorous – or so some studies say.

Creativity Resources

At Home Spa Guide – a guide to do it yourself spa treatments. Save money and still indulge.

The Erotic Eye and the Erotic Senses – an interesting look at eroticism, love and art.

Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab – makers of fine oils. Goth/dark humor. They have some great stuff. You can order samples.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.
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Saturday, November 19, 2011

Repost: Have A Surreal Day

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors"

7. Finish all Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Don't use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

16. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

17. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

About the image: The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali, 1931

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, November 18, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Outtakes

Sometimes I think the best moments in any video are the ones that never make it onto the screen.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 29

I've always had a semi-secret desire to have a dragon tattoo. I was going to get one when I turned 40 but when I went looking for a tattoo artist in Vancouver I found that if they drew dragons at all they drew Asian dragons. I've got nothing against Asian dragons. I think some of them are quite beautiful but I'm not Asian. I want a European dragon. Asian dragons are serpent-like and European dragons are more like dinosaurs.

After spending hours looking at tattoos in shops and online I came to realize that if I wanted a dragon I was going to have to draw it myself and take it to a shop. The idea has been in a holding pattern for years but now I've found a book that might get me motivated: Drawing Dragons. I found it in the sale aisle for $3. When I was a child I used to have a similar book about drawing big cats. I loved that book. It was so easy to follow. I'm hoping this dragon book turns out the same.

I've also found some videos on Youtube for extra motivation. Cross your fingers.

Maybe when I'm 50 I'll get that tattoo.

This week's card:
Free Associate 
Ever watch a dog circling before he flops down to take a nap? Sometimes getting ready to launch a creative project takes the same kind of groundwork. Instead of turning circles on the rug, try jiggling your ideas loose by free associating. Settle into a comfy chair with a pad and pen. On the left side of the page make a list of words, leaving a couple of lines between each entry. Then go down the list and write down everything that comes to mind when you look at the word. Don't stop at salt – pepper; dog-- cat. Go for pepper – red – lipstick – Madonna – virgin; and cat – catwoman – Batman – Robin – egg – chicken. The collection of words will reflect the current contents of your creative mind.

I love mind mapping/free association. I can go quite astray. I can start at eyes and end up with interstellar transport. Don't ask how. I did it and I'm not really sure. Getting there is more than half the fun. I've never actually used anything from any mind map I've ever done but at least I know how to do them. Sometimes just getting your mind going when you've been blocked is a major achievement.

Creativity Resources

Lateral – a free association word game that is quite addicting.

Free Association Word Game – Freud would be so proud.

Online Mind Mapping – a free association tool.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

SyFy Press Release: New Shows

NEW YORK - November 9, 2011 - Marking another phase of its record expansion of original programming, Syfy today announced three new scripted projects in development from Universal Cable Productions, CBS TV Studios and Fox Television Studios.
In making the announcement, Mark Stern, President, Original Content, Syfy, and Co-Head, Original Content, Universal Cable Productions, said: "This broad-based slate, from top-notch talent in the creative community, will enable us to build upon the strong foundation of our current hit scripted series to provide Syfy viewers with the next generation of imaginative entertainment."
Syfy's quartet of popular scripted series—Warehouse 13AlphasEureka andHaven—powered the channel to its most watched Third Quarter ever, drawing 1.45 million total viewers.
On Monday, January 16 at 9PM (ET/PT), Being Human will return for its second season, followed by the premiere of Lost Girl at 10PM.
Syfy Scripted Development Slate
Universal Cable Productions
Robert H. Wolfe -- Executive Producer/Writer
After decades of war, the newly formed Unity Democracy orders a volatile mix of humans and trans-humans to lead the Starship Defender on an expedition in search of lost worlds requiring law and order.
SEEING THINGS (working title)
Fox Television Studios
David Slack -- Executive Producer
Scott Rosenberg and Robert Cort -- Co-Executive Producers
David Slack and Gabrielle Stanton -- Writers
A cop becomes a ghost after his violent death and the only person who can help close his last case is a socially awkward man who realizes that the hallucinations he's had all his life may not be a figment of his imagination.
Oni Press
CBS TV Studios
Brett Matthews -- Executive Producer/Writer
Andy Bourne, Eric Gitter -- Executive Producer
Based on the popular comic series, a female KGB agent and male American weapons inspector form an unlikely partnership when a deadly force is unwittingly unleashed from a Siberian research facility.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Repost: Great Big Sea Concert

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Oh the night that Paddy Murphy died, is a night I'll never forgetSome Vancouver girls got loaded drunk, and they ain't got sober yet...

Well okay. That's not exactly what you'd call true. But being drunk would really explain how, at the ripe old age of 41, I ended up standing at a stage door, in FEBRUARY, handing my ticket stub over to a musician whose name I didn't even know so that he could sign it.

I hooked up with some people from the GBS Kitchen Party (online messageboard) and one of them was attending her first concert ever. It is a right of passage that you have to stand at the stage door on your first concert. So off we all went. We were there for about a half an hour before 2 of the band members came out. Not being one to usually hang out at the stage door, I didn't have anything for them to sign until someone suggested my ticket stub. I handed it over, got it signed and then promptly smudged the signature. We waited around a bit for the other band members but the people I was with had to get up early to catch a ferry to the next concert the next day. I was home by midnight.

What about the concert itself you ask?

By mid afternoon there was some question as to whether there was even going to be a concert. The band’s tour bus had tipped over just outside Abbotsford (about 80 kilometres away.) No one was injured but the incident did prompt Alan Doyle (lead singer) to open the show with “We’re glad to be here. I mean it. We’re REALLY glad to be here!”

One of the things that I like about GBS, besides the music, is that the band members all seem to be outgoing and funny. There’s a lot of banter (in Newfoundlander accents) through the show. I had one of those “When Fandoms Collide” moments. Alan commented that they were just “in it for the money” and that was why they’d just released a CD of Newfoundland “sea shanties.” “Ca-Ching!” said he. He then had a conversation with Sean McCann that went like this:

Alan: They wanted us to play the Grammys but we said no, we want to play Vancouver.
Sean: U2 has to end. They can’t go on forever.
Alan: Dem bastards are good.

The concert lasted about 2 and a half hours with an intermission. The first set could be called “acoustic” where they played more traditional songs with traditional instruments. Most of the “sea shanties” were in the first half. Alan warned the audience that in the second half they would be playing whatever they wanted. That turned out to be true when they turned into the GBS Karaoke Band. They’d start a song and the audience would sing. I hear they do this regularly with different songs at each show. Last night the selections were: “Summer of 69” by Bryan Adams, “Jesse’s Girl” by Rick Springfield and “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" by The Eurythmics. 80s night obviously.

The rest of the evening was full of dancing, clapping and singing. By the end of the show my hands were sore and my throat hurt. I enjoyed myself. The only down point was when I found out I couldn’t by a t-shirt because they didn’t take VISA and I didn’t have enough cash. Bum. I guess I’ll have to wait and get one online.

Surfing around the internet I found some cool pictures. Great Big Sea played Barenaked Ladies for a 2002 Junos (Canada’s Grammys) celebrity street-hockey game in St.John’s, Newfoundland. Those are my two favorite Canadian bands. Here are the pics:

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Here are a couple of links you might find interesting:

The Official GBS Site
Check out some Newfoundland accents

Have a GRAND day!

BTW the musician's name was Murray Foster. He's the bass player. I also got an autograph from Bob Hallett who sings and plays guitar and other instruments.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Friday, November 11, 2011

T.G.I.F. - Icon Award

Queen was given an "icon" award at this year's European Music Awards in Belfast. They closed the show with Adam Lambert singing lead. He wasn't awful.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 28

I'm lucky I live in a major city like Vancouver. There are so many different (often free) "artsy" things happening every day. I used to make an effort to read the art listing in The Georgia Straight. I don't know why I got out of the habit. While I didn't actually go to any galleries this week, I did get reacquainted with The Straight and I found one multimedia exhibit at the Museum of Vancouver I'm going to check out next month.

I love all kinds of dance. I've always thought Bhangra was cool but when I looked for classes I could only find them for teenagers. Recently I've learned that there something called Bhangra Fitness which I am very tempted to give a try. 

This week's card:
Be Taught or Not 
Do you learn best through self-teaching or do you prefer the structure and outside support of a class? Knowing which learning style works best for you is helpful. Some need the support and guidance of a good teacher to explore a project that seems, at the onset, overwhelming or intimidating. From a private tutorial to a group class, there are many ways to benefit from experienced adult supervision. Of course, if you're a do-it-yourselfer, then go forth and do it yourself!

I'm definitely a do-it-yourselfer when it comes to art. I've tried art classes. I just don't think I got a lot out of them. On the other hand, I might really like one on one instruction. Especially with a young, sexy, struggling artist...

Someday when I win the lotto...

Writing classes are okay if they're small. Too many people and there's not enough time to read and talk about everyone's work which I do not think is fair. I've dropped out of quite a few when there turned out to be more students than advertised in the class. I don't need any one's help to waste my time.

Creativity Resources

Free Online Art Classes – exactly what it sounds like.

Academy of Art University – get degrees in art, photography, game design, film and many others completely online.

Free Online Writing and Journalism Classes – a list of online classes for writers.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Repost: Rattle and Hum

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What are you going to do with a guy like Bono?

One week he's telling Canada's Prime Minister to pay up and the next he's causing a stir at a children's charity. A group called Health Action Overseas (formerly Babies of Romania) asked a bunch of celebrities to draw their favorite childhood toys so the pictures could be auctioned off.

Bono submitted the above picture. He's says it's the thing he played with most as a child. Some people didn't like the picture and demanded it be removed from the auction. The people in charge have decided that it will be a big money maker so it will stay in.

All I can say is that it puts a whole new spin on the phrase "Rattle and Hum." I've always been a sucker for naughty boys who make me laugh.

Reposts are posts written for previous journals or other places online that no longer exist.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Getting Creative - Week 27

Well, I didn't buy any art. I didn't make any either. I got too wrapped up in writing all my blog posts for November so I could do NaNoWriMo. In fact, I got so wrapped up I didn't think about what I was going to write so I ended up bailing before the month even began. I need to have a basic outline before Nov. 1 or it's just too stressful for me. I wish I was one of those people who could just sit down at the computer and write on command. Maybe if I had more discipline I could be. Maybe.

What I did end up doing was going to my local dollar store and perusing the Halloween aisle. Those who know me are probably asking what the heck I was doing in the Halloween aisle. I'm Pagan. To me, October 31st is Samhain (pronounced Sowin.) It's sort of like Pagan New Year. The last time I dressed up for Halloween I was in my early 20s. I borrowed my sister's bee costume and went to a party. There was only one other woman at the party. My costume was awfully short (insert pervy stinger joke here.)

Anyway. I needed a plastic sheet to cover my living room rug so that I could paint. I figured the Halloween section would have something useful and twisted. So I bought the bloody table cloth. I probably should have bought more than one. Maybe I'll go back tomorrow and see if there are any left. If they haven't changed into the Christmas aisle. Hmm. I do need some Yule cookie cutters...

This week's card:
Look Out 
Sometimes the best way to jump-start a dormant creative streak is to indulge in other people's creations. Pull out the gallery opening and museum section of the local paper and head to that show on baroque ceramic miniatures. The work of others will perhaps inspire, perhaps annoy, perhaps make you wonder why you aren't creating you own masterpieces. If nothing else, inhaling other's work should partially demystify the process because others, with varying degrees of success, have done it.

Creativity Resources

Virtual Galleries – if you don't happen to have any art galleries nearby you can take a virtual tour of many of the world's great galleries and museums.

Goggle Art Project – look at great art from around the world without going to the gallery or clicking through other stuff in museums.

ArtChain – a listing of artists, co-ops and galleries in the US and Canada. Someone has got to be having a showing.

Getting Creative is a 52 week project where I will try to work my way through 52 Ways to Nurture Your Creativity by Lynn Gordon. You're welcome to come along as I do a card a week for a year.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Vampire Rules

I found this in my collection. I have no idea where it came from but it is amusing.

Things I Will Do If I Am Ever a Vampire
Rules for the Modern Vampire

I shall wear tweed, and cheerful bright clothing. Further, I shall only wear trenchcoats if it is raining or foggy.

I will not take my victims home. My neighbors are far too nosy.

I will be secure in my immortality. I do not have to share my story with any reporter or struggling writer.

I will not purchase an expensive foreign sports car or motorcycle. An economical, multi-terrain vehicle with 4 wheel drive will be just fine.

I will immediately become Agnostic, disarming any cross-wielding religious maniacs.

I shall not keep a coffin in the basement, that's the first place people look.

I shall immediately purchase a "Hooked on Phonics" tape, in order to lose any Romanian accent I may have.

My ghouls shall have good posture.

I will purchase a digital watch with an alarm. I will set this alarm for TWO hours before sunrise, giving ample time for traffic and other inconveniences.

If I feel truly alone, and need a companion to share all of eternity with, I shall purchase a dog. Preferably one that is not larger than I am.

If the neighborhood kids are snooping around my house, I will not change into a giant wolf and attempt to destroy them. Instead, I shall call the police and have them arrested for trespassing.

If I believe far too many people are becoming suspicious, I shall not attempt to kill them all. I will simply move, and leave no forwarding address.

There is no logical reason for someone to mistake another human being for a fifteen-foot bat, not even in hysteria. Therefore, I shall refrain from such transformations in public.

Artists are over-emotional and unstable. I shall not keep company with them whatsoever.

I will not attend gatherings of my own kind. If I'm a lethal killing machine, doomed for all eternity to destroy those around me, they probably are too.

I will not pick off friends, family or neighbors of the Hero one at a time. This annoys the Hero and drives him into action. They'll still be there when he is dead.

There are thousands of sick people who want to be vampires. Why pick someone who doesn't?

The Hero will come armed with holy water, a cross and a stake. I will come armed with a 5.56 mm assault rifle and grenades. If the Hero has to cross open ground, there is no better way to reach out and touch someone than with a sniper rifle.

When biting women to make them slaves, I will bite them in out-of-the-way locations such as the inside of the thigh, the lower part of the breast, or another location not requiring painfully obvious alteration of clothing or ridiculous accessories to conceal.

I will equip my home with a marvelous device called a burglar alarm with an automatic dialer. It will be difficult for the Hero to kill me while under arrest for attempted breaking and entering.

My coffin will be concealed and will be a plain wooden box. The elaborate oak coffin with gold trim resting in the basement will be equipped with claymores designed to shred the body of anyone who opens it.

I will wear a watch and verify what time sunrise is every day.

The formal attire with cape will be reserved for special occasions. Jeans and a t-shirt will be fine for everyday wear as they are less noticeable.

I will wear white clothing, which does not set off my pallor as obviously as black.

If I can't avoid wearing black and acting weird all the time, I will go to bars that cater to that sort of clientele. It will make it more difficult for the Hero to pick me out of the crowd.

I will not engage in a battle of wits with the Hero. I plan on killing him anyway, so what's the point?

I will not dismiss a Hero as a mere mortal because he does not have my centuries of experience. Even inexperienced losers can get lucky.

There will be no windows, doors, elevator shafts, or air vents accessing my hidden lair that have any sort of access to the outside and down which sunlight can be directed using mirrors.

If there must be windows, they will be painted over and backed with steel plate so the Hero will face a rude surprise when he throws something through it at sunrise.

When I take the Hero's true love to make her my concubine and eternal slave, I will not show her off to goad the Hero into making an attack. That will goad the Hero into making an attack. She will be tucked away in a quiet room, watched over by my loyal servants until the Hero is dead.

I will not transform children. Their bodies will stay the same age forever while their minds grow older and they will become whiny and disobedient.

I will not use bug-eating morons as servants. Pretty females dressed in little French maid outfits are more visually appealing and can also distract the Hero.

While castles and mansions are traditional and have a certain flair, the two bedroom bungalow is less noticeable in suburbia.

My home will not have wooden furniture, the legs of which become sharp, pointed sticks at inopportune moments.

I will have one of my entranced subjects constantly observing the Hero and his party. I always want warning if they go to a lumber yard.

My home will have mirrors, but they will be located in places such as the bathroom where I am unlikely to be at the same time as the Hero or his friends.

I will not change into a bat, scuttle up walls, fly, or hypnotize people when there might be witnesses.

All my concubines will be fully aware that they are not to seduce, attack or even bother visitors staying in the castle unless they have express consent from me.

The blood in the refrigerator will be stored in a tomato juice container, and there will be ordinary food in there for camouflage.

I will get a voice coach and change my name. "Hi, I'm Bob," is less suspicious than "I am Dra—cu--la."

I will not associate with vampire theatres, vampire whorehouses and prostitution rings, vampire bars, or vampire biker gangs. They attract attention.

I will spend no more than 10 years in any one location, and when I move it will be somewhere distant. I will not return to a previous home for a minimum of 80 years. Anyone who previously knew me will be either dead or senile.

I will be able to explain porphyria and why that unfortunate genetic condition is the reason I cannot go out in the sun.

I will force myself to look concerned and not hungry when someone accidentally cuts himself.

A Kevlar vest with a ceramic trauma plate located over the heart is a rather trendy fashion accessory.

I will take seriously anyone who approaches me with a water pistol and a confident expression.

Backpacks and small bags capable of holding sharp pointed wooden sticks will be taken from visitors by a servant at the door. Anyone refusing to part with their accessories will be taken into a side room and shot in the knees, handcuffed, and chained to the wall, where they will provide lunch for my concubines.

Crossbows, spears, arrows, and other antique weapons with wooden or large blades will be banned from the castle. There is nothing wrong with a fine collection of rifles and handguns.

I will carry at least a .38 on my person and become proficient in its use. If the Van Helsing is holding me at bay with a religious symbol, or I am unable to use my vampiric powers for other reasons, I can always open fire.

I will be a strict atheist, so the Hero will be forced to use a copy of "The Skeptical Inquirer" or "Das Kapital," rather than a Bible, delaying him considerably.

Before dining out with anyone, I will verify that garlic is not a major spice at that restaurant.

I will not take blood from people who take cocaine, speed or other addictive drugs.

All servants, concubines and assorted slaves will be under strict orders not to show excessive devotion to me in public.

Servants, concubines and assorted slaves will have a zero-tolerance rule: one mistake and they're dead. I can always create more.

When recruiting new blood, so to speak, I will first enslave those who might notice odd behavior in my future concubines. Therefore, I take the teachers at the all-girls school first.

All future concubines will be screened and have complete background checks. Those with relatives named Van Helsing will be removed from consideration. The irony is not worth the risk.

Nothing says the Hero can't be a cripple or be suffering massive trauma from a shotgun blast before he becomes lunch.

I will not personally finish off the Hero. That is what loyal servants, concubines and assorted slaves are for. Besides, his true love is probably tastier.

All future concubines will be strip-searched for rosaries, crucifixes and garlic before I approach them.

All cute but spunky kids in the community who express an interest in the supernatural will be identified and observed for sudden changes in behavior.

I will be an upstanding but otherwise undistinguished resident of my community, and will make sure that I cultivate enough friends so I will be warned of anyone spreading malicious rumors about me.

Since it will be the last thing they would expect, I will hire a Mafia hit team to take out the Hero and his friends. Let's see the crucifix protect them from an Uzi. (And if it does, I will immediately leave town, having been spying on them from several blocks away via a convenient hard-to-trace method of my choice.)

All villagers will be encouraged to send their children to the schools I will secretly finance. After a few years of modern education they will dismiss the legends told by their grandparents, several of which will undoubtedly be ways to destroy me.

I will ignore all attempts to appeal to my former sense of humanity. I don't have any. That is why it is former.

I will remind myself that I am immortal, not indestructible.

All concubines will save the loose, transparent, flowing silk dresses for special occasions. I'm a modern sort of guy so I like a woman in leather and Kevlar, which provide more protection so she lasts longer in a fight.

Although firearms are useless against me and the concubines, they work quite effectively on the Hero and his friends. Therefore, all concubines will be armed and taught to shoot. They will use hand and fang in attack only as a last resort.

All bodies of former meals will be destroyed in a manner that will make bite marks and the absence of blood impossible to identify.

I will not send bodies or parts thereof of former friends, relatives, mentors or lovers to the Hero in order to demonstrate my complete mastery over life and death.

I will not demonstrate knowledge inappropriate for someone of my apparent age.

I will not begin a vendetta against someone who has destroyed a fellow vampire that I was fond of. They have clearly demonstrated they have the ability to destroy me.

More vampires mean a lower prey ratio: I will carefully consider if I really want more of us running around.

All the cutlery in my house will be either stainless steel or plastic - no silver. (Besides, I might accidentally cut myself.) Ideally, the steel will have a special surface that makes it look like silver, so the Hero will waste his time trying to stab me with it.

I will keep important bits of my home flooded with a non-flammable poisonous gas at all times. Not needing to breathe is a useful skill.

As cancer isn't a particularly large concern for me, I'll wear asbestos clothing.

I will make lots of long-term investments. With the great wealth I get from that, I shall endow a genetics program aimed at producing cows whose udders secrete human blood or a palatable imitation thereof. Then I can go to McDonald's for dinner instead of bothering the Hero's womenfolk.

While it may offend my dignity, whining incessantly will indicate that I am the protagonist, and will enable me to avoid the attentions of Heroes.

As cute as the Vampire Slayer is, there are other girls just as cute who are not capable of destroying me. I will not engage a "Vampire Slayer" in martial arts combat, as that seldom seems to work out well.

If I find out that there is a "Vampire Slayer" living in the vicinity, I will consider moving elsewhere, regardless of the advantages conferred by that particular location.

When faced with a gang of spunky kids determined to stop my evil schemes, I will consider surrender. Or mailbombs.

I will put on lots of makeup and fur and howl at the moon every once in a while. This should confuse the hero, and will probably enable me to get away with a silver bullet or two.

I will not consider property crimes beneath my dignity. Carjacking is a good source of income, and I don't have to worry much about the possibility of something going wrong.

About the images: 3 of my favorite vampires. Bunnicula, Duckula and Spike.